What I Want to Do (Honestly)

I know what I want to do for now.

I want to move out of Makati, go to some province (not a far-flung province, just outside Zambales and Metro Manila), and try to live there, not for a vacation, but live there.

I want to teach. I want to teach in that province.

I want to explore other work, career or profession. In that province, I also want to try other jobs, as a tour guide maybe?

But how? How about my work right now? I’ve been on it for just a few months.

How about grad school? I’ll take the qualifying exams next weekend. And in most cases, I need my master’s degree to be able to teach in college.

Now, what? What do I do now?

Lost Again: Thinking Too Much

What should I be doing? What do I really want to do? What do I really want?

I'm (semi) deep in thought again as to what I want to do, what I should be doing, and if I'm doing the right thing. Too much thinking.

Sometimes I wish I'm just the typical person who's contented (or appear to be contented) with going to an office, working as an employee, and helping that company grow tons of income. (Un)Fortunately, I'm not.

Then, add the questions of how to live my life. How do I balance my crazy wants with the practical and mundane things in my world? How do I ensure that I have the resources to live my life? Then again, how do I want to live my life? Really?

Oh, I'm lost again. Help me. Please.

Improving!

My progress is as little as it may seem, but I am still proud to say that I am improving based on the following grounds, which are all related to working (and yes, I'm working.)

• I start at the time I tell myself to start working. Once I start working, then on to it! I even get tired working (which then makes me stop working haha.)
• I'm done with the vacation/bum mode that has been crippling me the past weeks (or months.) I just feel it.
• I walk around the block especially when I get tired or hungry.

So how does it fare to the four things that stood out for me to "cure my laziness" (something I've blogged about a month ago)?

1. (neg) I still do not sleep early and still do not get up early
2. (neg) I really don't have a purpose and motivation that's enough for me to make me get up early
3. (good) I don't think I need to keep reminding myself "to give it at most five minutes" to start a task anymore (surprisingly, I just do what has to be done, and I hope I don't jinx it by blogging about it)
4. (good) I walk around the block to compensate for my physical inactivity while in front of the computer (walking, no matter what kind of walking, is a form of exercise, right?)

[Legend: red is bad; green is good; yellow is somehow good but needs improvement]

What then are my next steps?

1. I have set my alarm once again to remind me to sleep (set it at 11:00 PM for now)
2. On the "purpose and motivation," it is a difficult one - I guess it is a continuing process to learn more about it and about myself, and and confusing, too
3. Keep up the positive vibe and work attitude
4. Try walking around the block early in the morning

Good luck! That's it for now. Tons of work to do (uhm, maybe not tons, but simply something significant that I cannot and should not neglect and screw up.)

:)

Making the Most Out of My Life (Trying)

...I'm trying really hard to be productive and make the most out of every minute of my life...

I know that I shouldn't live like a bum. I know that I should be up early in the morning to start my day fresh and refreshed. I know that I should go to bed early to get the right quality of sleep. I know that I should do my best in work. I know that I should do some exercise. I know that I should eat right at the right time. I know that I should live.

Yet, I'm a mess. Or maybe just out of place, out of sync, out of balance, out of (in)sanity.

I'm living like a bum. I get up late. I go to bed late. I am unproductive (by my standard.) I do not exercise. I do not eat right. Hence, it feels like wasting precious moments of my life.

Sometimes I think that I got a part-time research work at the wrong time. Or sometimes I think I'm not fit for it. Or sometimes I think it was simply a wrong move.

Yet, I don't blame my work for my unproductive boring life. I know that even if I don't have a work, I would still be the same - unproductive and boring. That work is actually a hands-on discipline test for me. Not a "research" learning activity, but a lesson on discipline.

I should really be living every minute of my life. I said I'd start then to live. Yet here I am ranting again. So again, I will (try) to make the most out of every minute of my life and live.

Oh, help me!